Self-harm isn’t something new. Very often people who suffer from emotional pain engage in this practice to mitigate their internal pain with external pain. The wounds from self-harm are often in a discreet place on the body while the internal wounds aren’t so obvious.
In the UK, 14-year-old teen Molly Russell her own life. A tragedy. After an inquest the coroner declared that she had died as a result of an act of self-harm while suffering from depression and the “negative effects of online content”. Molly was a victim of social media posts that romanticised self-harm. In this article, we investigate where self-harm comes from, how to recognize when a child might be potentially enacting self-harm, and what tools are available to help with self-harm.
Why Do People Self-Harm?
According to the Mayo Clinic, self-harm is a self-injury that is an intentional act of harming one’s own body, often through cutting or burning. This is a tactic used to deal with emotional trauma, rage, and exasperation. This act might bring about a moment of relief and release, but it is often followed by feelings of remorse, a sense of humiliation and the traumatic feelings the sufferer was trying to dispel very often return. There is always the risk of escalation.
Very sadly in our previous clinical experience, we encountered Johnny, not his real name, 15, who was in an abusive relationship with an older sibling. He wasn’t getting any support from his parents and when he reported his abuse to their parents he was not believed. Feeling that he had nowhere else and no one else to turn to he resorted to self-harm to compensate for his feelings of abandonment, confusion and trauma. Essentially, what triggered the start of his healing was a concerned adult who recognized the signs of self-harm and asked the important question: “what’s troubling you?”.
Thus, it would be prudent for parent so be able to spot the signs of self-harm so that they can intervene in their child’s trauma earlier.
Reading the Signs of Self-Harm
In many instances self-harm is accompanied with other signs that the sufferer is undergoing trauma. For example there might be a change in their overall mood, they might take less care of their personal grooming, they might seem more distracted or aloof, there might be a significant change in behaviour like there might be a sudden loss of interest in activities they used to derive joy from, and there might be a precipitous drop off in performance in school or work, there might be a change of personality. Sometimes these mental health issues can manifest as school aversion if they’re being bullied in school.
Self-harm can manifest as cuts or deep scratches with an edged instrument like with a box cutter or pen knife, burns that might be from cigarettes, a butane lighter, or even a heated instrument like a blade. Victims might carve text or cryptograms into their skin often in a discreet place on their body like the inner-thighs. Self-harm can also manifest visibly as bruises on the knuckles, legs, feet or even elbows from hitting things. If you notice any of these scars in isolation, it could be that your child is just injury prone, but when observed in combination with behavioural changes then there might be something for you to be concerned about.
What Can Parents Do?
Parents might be tempted to jump the gun and quickly deal with the self-harm. But, the best way forward is to observe over time and work with other adults in your child’s life like teachers and school counsellors while supporting your child in the best manner you can. It is imperative that the root cause of the child’s trauma be investigated and that the underlying cause of the trauma is dealt with firmly.
Significantly, both parents need to be on the same page when it comes to their child’s mental health. Denial from one parent’s perspective can make seeking help and enacting improvements more challenging and can cause more trauma.
Seeking professional help is always a good idea.
Our suggestion is let trust be the bedrock of the family’s relationships. Equipping your offspring with the tools to handle future difficulties is the best gift any parent can impart. This implies that parents need to be consistent, there can’t be one set of rules for the adults and another for the children. Our children and teens really need good role models and the adults at home are often the first and most influential exemplars they will encounter. It opens the door for honest communication which really helps mitigate the confusion of growing up as a teenager while looking for answers and building a self-identity. With trust as a foundation children might not even have to go so far as to enact self-harm to mitigate their trauma.
Other than sharing information on mental health issues, Clinical Psychology Associates are here to help you and your family on your mental wellness journey. We offer clinical therapy for troubled children and teens, group therapy for families and clinical support for sufferers of self-harm. Do contact us if you would like more information or would like to know how to best approach your child’s potential trauma.
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